Mar. 21 -- "Expressing Creatively"
Reading and study – Nonviolent Communication, A Language of Life, by Marshall Rosenberg, pp. 129-195.
Through these three weeks we have learned that our use of language has a significant impact on our relationships, on all participants in our relationships and, therefore, in their relationships as well. It is equally essential in our quest of peace in each of our worlds that we fully honor our own needs and, therefore, maximizing the creative potential in each of us.
Compassionate Connections: Making a compassionate connection with the people in your life is facilitated by you treating yourself compassionately. What self-talk do you engage in when you have been less than perfect? Taking one particular “failure” you have recently experienced that caused you to respond to yourself negatively, what were your unmet needs that caused your negative feelings? How could you have changed your consciousness and language to be more constructive?
Expressing Anger: Rosenberg distinguishes a stimulus of anger from a cause of anger. How would you describe the difference? Using a specific, recent incident in your life, identify the stimulus and cause(s) of your anger, the feelings and unmet needs particular to that incident, and the ways you could have shifted the experience to be life enriching for both you and the other(s). Would this alternative approach have been as satisfying as the approach you took? Be prepared to discuss.
Using Force: When do you think the use of force is appropriate? Rosenberg discusses protective and punitive uses of force. Have you experienced both as the source of the force? As the recipient of the force? Using one incident of each for purposes of the discussion, how did it feel to be the source and the recipient of each use of force? What made the experience constructive or destructive in each instance?
Liberating Self and Others: Perhaps the most challenging aspect of practicing compassionate communications is the “deprogramming” of our habitual patterns of interaction. Identify five different patterns of interaction that stimulate “knee jerk” responses for you. An example of one pattern: when someone raises his/her voice at me, my response might be to become defensive immediately. For each of the five patterns, what feelings and unmet needs are involved? What questions could you use to explore your feelings and unmet needs? Create several “canned” reflective questions or statements could you use to discover the feelings and unmet needs of the other.
Expressing Appreciation: Many of us have difficulty in accepting compliments. Rosenberg suggests three components of appreciation that will prevent compliments from becoming unconstructive or detrimental. If these were used by another to compliment you, what effect would their use have on you? Recall five incidents where you have been inclined to offer compliments to another. Using these three components, construct a compliment or two for each incident that would have more fully expressed your appreciation. In your discussion group, verbally describe a favor you could imagine doing for each group member and let each express his/her appreciation to you.